I am not flashing too far back with my post but this was one I loved writing (and reading.) Especially now as the kids are heading back to school. I love my kiddos!

Time Stands Still
Originally posted May 2017

IMG_9532.JPGOver the last few weeks we have been watching old movies of the kids.  We always enjoyed filming and capturing those moments in our lives; birthday parties, holidays and everyday life. We laugh (through tears) watching the kids as babies and toddlers and the funny little things that they do. And the kids get a kick out of seeing themselves.

I remember when I was little my parents set up the projector and click through the carousel of slides. It was magical to be able to time travel to specific moments in your life.

Now I view the passage of time through the prism of my kids. One of the biggest feelings I have when I watch these pieces of our lives is that no matter how hard I try, time passes quickly.

I think back to when Jordan was 5 with his sweet little giggle and his curiosity for life. I can see Andrew’s humor and light heartedness in his baby face and it still makes me laugh. There is a sweetness in Sofia’s confidence and sassiness even as a toddler. Those things remain (except for that giggle), but the time has passed quickly.

I work hard at being present at every phase of our lives.  The mother’s advice to enjoy every moment because it goes by fast was not lost on me.  I have seen it flash before my eyes. I’ve stayed present and made an effort to document our lives and capture those moments, so that I can relive them over and over.

The passage of time is even more evident this year as we prepare to have our oldest graduate and move away to college.  I feel like every other conversation I am having starts with I can’t believe how fast the time has gone. We attended Jordan’s last band concert on Saturday with mixed feelings;  sad that’s it’s over, but happy that we were a part of it for 4 years. Has it really been 4 years for Jordan? He managed to pack those years with lots of accomplishment and fun.

You can see the person that Andrew has become in the little things he used to do as a kid. Andrew has always been an old soul in a little person’s body. He has a mature sense of humor and a keen sense of  timing. Some of those moments are captured on film. You can see in his eyes the recognition that, hmm this will get a laugh. And of course we were there to encourage it.

Every day Sofia looks older and acts more mature. Bobby and I are constantly in awe at the young lady she is becoming. She is a reminder that we are not parents to little kids anymore. It’s a mix of relief and sadness. As she grew, we got rid of all the baby stuff in the house. The strollers and high chairs and car seats were no more. And time moved on.

I often wish that time would move faster. On Monday, I can’t wait til Friday. I look forward to summer or christmas or my birthday. I concentrate on the moment after a presentation or getting through a tough time. But in doing so it means that time will have passed. So I learn to be ok with every second. To value every moment – good or bad. To take care to live in every crappy, lovely, sweet, frustrating moment in time because soon it will be gone.

Those flashbacks on FaceBook take you back, don’t they? Even if it was just 5 years ago. It’s another reminder and a look back into your past, how much has changed and how much has stayed the same.

The end of the school year is always a time for reflection and sentiment for me. Looking at yearbooks and seeing all that was done throughout the year. Cleaning out lockers, notebooks and supplies that represent a year’s worth of learning and growth. The kids are excited that the school year is over, but I feel the emotion of another year gone by.

As we move forward we acknowledge that life will be different. I’m sure I will wish for the holidays that will bring Jordan back home to us. But I will be excited for his new adventure. I will relish in what Andrew and Sofia are living and concentrate on being present for them.

And I will ask myself, is time moving quickly or at the exact speed it should be?